Insert [Blank Stare] Here

People who know me at all understand that I can go back and forth from talkative to silent in an instant.  I’m not antisocial, but I also don’t go to a lot of events with lots of people.  Often, even in a group environment I choose to be alone.  I wasn’t an only child but I was raised as one, and this. will probably always affect how I socialize.

That being said, I am hyperaware of body language, social cues and other telltale signs of how to navigate through a conversation, and I know when to shut up.  This took a long time to learn and it is also part of why I become quiet sometimes in groups, because I feel like I can no longer comfortably be included in an actual conversation.  Some people want to be one hundred percent of an interaction,  and it turns into this one-sided bombardment of verbal vomit flooding out of their face.  Sometimes it’s literally just someone unloading their baggage on your face, then saying “I have to go now” before you can even respond, like some awkward sexual experience – except it’s harder to avoid.  It makes what might have started out as a conversation become awkward, and rather than letting someone else invalidate my thoughts, or make me feel like I have to earn air time in an interaction I don’t really want to be part of, it’s easier to just shut up and go back to playing a game on my phone or even sometimes put my headphones in.

Oh, also – on that note. Are headphones not supposed to be an international sign for “I’m busy” or “don’t talk to me” or other polite ways to preemptively tell someone you want to be left alone?  I really thought (well until recently), that this was a well-known cue to leave someone alone.  I guess that some people don’t read cues well, or don’t bother because it doesn’t give them enough of a chance to talk at people.  That’s really what it is. We have all experienced this, and most of us tolerate it for the sake of civility.

I say – civility be damned.

Hear me out.  I am not saying you need to be rude to a coworker/acquaintance/friend.  Choosing not to be part of a conversation is your right as a human being, and extricating yourself before they start dousing you in their baggage of the day, week, month, whatever it might be, that is perfectly okay.  No need to do anything as extreme as setting yourself on fire, projectile vomiting, or faking a fainting spell.  When they stand in front of you, demanding attention while you’re listening to music or playing Candy Crush, glance up with glazed over eyes and go back to what you’re doing.  If they still demand attention, do it again.  If they’re stupid enough they still don’t get the hint, then perhaps it’s time to get colourful with your language, or get up and walk away.  Or you can just keep repeating the dead stare until they understand they should take their verbal diarrhea elsewhere.

I think there is no “appropriate” way to handle a narcissist.  I try to avoid being rude, but lately my last nerves have been getting tap-danced on a lot too much, by one specific person who thinks their opinion of everything is the be-all and end-all and always has a busload of grief to unload.  It isn’t like I have the option of completely avoiding interaction because they always seem to be there when I walk into a room, talking, talking, talking the ear off of whatever listener(s) there happen to be.

There was a time I could say that I suffered from bad self esteem on a level that meant I would allow people to do this kind of thing to me on a regular basis.  I never said no, or walked away from situations like this, because I was scared it would make me a pariah.  One day it occurred to me, who cares?  I have such a hard time connecting with people as it is, why am I trying to keep inroads to places I don’t want to be?  I’m finally comfortable being myself so why the hell should I, in any way, convolute that for some terrible conversation?

These days I choose to stand up for myself out in the big bad (and often stupid) world, because you know what?  Nobody else is fucking going to.

4qwRGx

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That’s Rich.

I’ve struggled with money for some time now, and it’s been far too long since I’ve been in a position to save money for something big. In the past I’ve been lucky to have any money left after bills and expenses.

So, imagine how it felt when I was speaking to someone about how we are working on budgeting and saving everything we can for a house, and a voice blurts out from behind me “Ooh, rich. Must be nice.”

First of all, was not speaking to this person. Second, saving money for a house implies you are not rich, because you have to save. Seriously, what the fuck, bruh?

This has me seriously thinking about how many times in my life people around me have been absolutely nasty to me when I even stood a chance of having something they didn’t. I don’t even have to achieve the goal, I just have to set my sights on it and it causes dumb comments like this to leave their lips.

I’ve always kept a tight circle, because I’m well aware what the world is like. This person (I thought?) was a friend. After multiple similar behavioural “slips” I’m realizing they aren’t slips, they’re the act of an asshat. I guess because when a friend achieves a goal or gets something they wanted, or even is in a place to have these things, I get excited for them, I forgot what a bitter place the world can be.

It’s okay. I’ll save my excitement for those who can find it in themselves to reciprocate. Or maybe my rich friends. *laughs hysterically*

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It’s oh so quiet, except…

Sitting on the front porch of the house we rent an apartment in, appreciating the quiet of the night air.

For the first time since we set up our little retreat out here, I hear a bat! I know bats strike terror into the hearts of a lot of folks, but I love the little winged fluff balls. Actually I plan to get multiple bats on my chest sometime in the near future. Tattoos, that is, not the real thing. Though, it would be pretty entertaining to walk into work with a bunch of actual bats clinging to my chest.

I've been told I'm twisted.
Not true.

Bacon, it’s the New Bread.

I used to sugar coat things more, to avoid unnecessary confrontations or arguments. I also used to allow myself to be walked on and spoken to as if I was less than human. I’ve changed, and I think for the better. I don’t go out of my way to be malicious or anything like that, but you best believe if you spew bullshit at me, I’m going to at the very least question it. 

Social media has give voice to every misguided, stupid or misinformed Joe on the planet, and now they share this information on Facebook, twitter, etc – wherever anyone will listen. When misinformation is pointed out, however, it often causes a negative reaction from that person. Often I just ignore it and move on to save the breath but sometimes it’s just not possible. 

Today’s “debate” was caused by my statement that 7-8 slices of bacon was not a suitable healthy replacement for bread on a sandwich. Erm, what’s better, I was told the best way to lose weight was to cut carbs because they’re “fake energy” and eat fat, this was the argument used to say that eating half a pack of bacon is fine because it’s *ahem* in moderation. Again. HALF A PACK. 

I also must remember that this person (a male) once complained his ovaries were hurting to my boyfriend and their other friend… and not as a joke. 

*crickets*

Why, Yes I Am.

I’m pretty fortunate, the coffee shop I work at has plenty of decent customers. I don’t deal with a lot in the way of nasty people – occasionally though, they do come out of the woodwork.

Today was one of those days apparently. A customer dumped his trash in the garbage can before the speaker in our drive thru, then hastily sped through and to the window, blowing past the speaker. The fact he did this, then pulled up to the window demanding we take his order after laughing at his own stupidity wasn’t quite bad enough I guess. While he was pulling up to the window I had already taken an order from some wonderful soul who understands how drive thrus work – then my headset started to beep again. I explained to the guy that I couldn’t just take his order at the window because a line had formed behind him, and it wasn’t fair to them to have to wait. He first laughed like he didn’t believe I was saying “no” to him, then he drove away fast, shouting “WHAT A FUCKING BITCH!” I was annoyed, however I replied without missing a beat “Why, yes I am!”

Two orders after that, as it turns out, was him. His attitude at the window was completely changed, however, he even gave me a sorry not sorry apology. I explained again to which I got more complaining and “I just…”

Hey, folks? Not a good idea to insult people making your food/drinks.

Trains, Plebes and Automobiles.

Last night, my boyfriend and I watched a perfect example of humanity’s reasoning abilities.

We were headed for an access to take us to a different area of town (ours is split by an escarpment), and a train was crossing it. Not the first time it’s happened, getting used to it actually because it’s near our house. 
There was a fairly long line of cars waiting, that’s fine. It would take us longer to circle around to the next access than it took to sit there. I think we were waiting maybe eight or ten minutes? Well, we were the second last car (truth be told the last guy didn’t fit, and was halfway into the turning line and right against our bumper). 

We waited patiently as we watched a circus of shit drivers unfold in front of us. As it reached about the eight minute mark, most of the people in front of us decided it would be a good time to pull a u-turn and leave. It involved – for some of them – driving up on curbs, cutting off traffic that was coming from the last side street from the train tracks, and the guy directly in front of us just got out of his car and went for a walk toward the train, playing with his phone. 

Then the train finished. 

Guy with phone doesn’t even realize that the train has finished and he panics, running back for his car. Traffic has already started coming the other way, and he’s locked his doors so is struggling getting it open and getting safely into the car. Then, as he drove away he opened his door again and closed it, swerving all over the road.

If all of these people had waited the other two minutes it would have been simple. After waiting eight minutes, two is nothing, and it would take you at least another eight to make your way to the next access. People, why you so dumb?