One Day at a Time!

So, for some time I’ve had a registered company and no time to build it because of everything from terrible hours at work to no money to build.  Both of these things are changing, my hours have been daytime hours for some time now – and I have slowly been building supplies for a while to get my business off the ground.

This week, I invested in a domain and website/store – need to get both of those designed soon because as it turns out, word of mouth is a really good tool for making sales.  Here I was thinking that the figurines I make might take some time to find buyers, instead I have had several commission requests.  First it was a couple of friends, now people who don’t even know me are showing interest.  I have to keep a day job of course, but it’s looking like I am going to have to possibly find part time work if I’m going to make a real go of this.

We shall see what happens when I finish the four I currently have on the table.  It looks like it might soon be five.

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Juggling

I’m beginning to feel like I’m finally getting somewhere with this “art” thing.  I am learning a lot with the projects I’ve been working on, and I am almost feeling brave enough to step up my game and leave the dolls behind and just sculpt.  Using dolls as a base to make something is cool, but I’m already feeling the limits using an existing shape to work with.  I have three more to finish, and then I get to see if I am really capable of building from the ground up.

I’m realizing that I also need to focus more on my writing, my book is nearly at the halfway point so I can’t just abandon it.  At the same time, music is calling.  I need to make time to schedule all this stuff in to really make myself happy, all in the hours outside of a day job.  Lately I feel like my brain is going to explode because in the hours I’m doing the day job, all I think about is going home and making things, then I get home and I have to push myself to get things done because I’m mentally exhausted from work. I guess that’s more motivation to try and build this into less of a part time gig.  For now, it’s off to work as usual, and facing a 1 day weekend.

If only the odds of winning the lottery were higher!

 

No Zombies Here.

My body has not been terribly cooperative the last while about switching to days.  I have to force myself to bed, and then I just lay there flipping from side to side until the sandman finally pays me a visit.  After two days off, you would think it would be worse than it was during the week.  Apparently, something saw fit to conk me out with a figurative mallet and I was able to be sound asleep before 10:30 (I was falling asleep on the couch at 9:00 pm).

I woke up this morning feeling rested and mentally alert for the first time in a long time. It’s a nice feeling, especially since I’m about to go to the gym and do a full workout.  I didn’t even balk at getting out of bed, and that’s usually a thing.  I have to say that going to the gym is probably contributing to the forced change in schedule, after all, what better way to get yourself to settle down early than to start the day with a workout?

The gym, I go to for multiple purposes.  I want to lose weight, for one.  I also want to be just generally healthier, take up some active hobbies maybe.  I’ve been exploring poi for some time now, and would like to eventually learn fire poi.  Mostly, I just want to feel good in my clothes.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to say I have, and I know it’s up to me to work at that.

It’s nice starting the day awake, though!

 

Eating Dinner… in Daylight?!

First week of day shift and I’m adjusting pretty quickly as it turns out.  Finding it a bit hard to go to bed at night still, but getting better at winding down – it doesn’t help that our little fuzzball likes high-diving off of the bookcase at the foot of our bed once we fall good and asleep.  Seems like the words “I’m going to lock you out” were understood by her because once I uttered those she settled down.

Day shift is very different at work, a different customer flow for one – also a lot of folks I’d just rather not interact with are on a different shift than me so it minimizes the amount of fuckery I have to deal with.  I keep the caffeine flowing and I don’t even get dozy.

Gotta say though, this cooking dinner at a reasonable hour is awesome!  I’m not sure how the hell I managed to get through a year of closes and eat so late.  Also along with the day shift I’m kicking off the beginning of daily trips to the gym. All in all, it’s shaping up to be a good week!

 

Freedom, Sweet Freedom!

There is something to be said for patience and resilience.  The last year of working until 11:30 has not been a lot of fun, and there was a time it was necessary, but that is not the case now.  My boyfriend got day shift over a month ago, and I’ve been biding my time until shift bid came around.  This time my rank was high enough I got days, and honestly it could not come soon enough.

I am the kind of person who is at their creative best in the evening, and for the last year I’ve spent those hours at a desk doing tech support.  Tuesday, day shift begins, which means that after 6:00 pm, I will be free to do whatever I want.  This means more writing, it means making music again, and it means creating lots of neat stuff.  I have been feeling creatively snuffed out, having my only truly useful hours of the day being before work –

this means if I started on a project I’d have to preemptively stop before I finished what I was doing or risk being late – and with sculpture and things related to it, it’s time sensitive stuff.  Can’t leave something half made, because it will be ruined before I can finish it.  Can’t leave polymer (when applicable) unbaked sitting on a table for 9+ hours.

So now, the journey begins.  I will likely be using WordPress for my store, simply because I am already on here and it’s a bit more practical for a beginner like myself.  It also means I have to start keeping receipts for supplies purchased, I have to open a business account pretty soon, and I will need to start settling on a store design.

Yikes. I’m really doing this.

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Insert [Blank Stare] Here

People who know me at all understand that I can go back and forth from talkative to silent in an instant.  I’m not antisocial, but I also don’t go to a lot of events with lots of people.  Often, even in a group environment I choose to be alone.  I wasn’t an only child but I was raised as one, and this. will probably always affect how I socialize.

That being said, I am hyperaware of body language, social cues and other telltale signs of how to navigate through a conversation, and I know when to shut up.  This took a long time to learn and it is also part of why I become quiet sometimes in groups, because I feel like I can no longer comfortably be included in an actual conversation.  Some people want to be one hundred percent of an interaction,  and it turns into this one-sided bombardment of verbal vomit flooding out of their face.  Sometimes it’s literally just someone unloading their baggage on your face, then saying “I have to go now” before you can even respond, like some awkward sexual experience – except it’s harder to avoid.  It makes what might have started out as a conversation become awkward, and rather than letting someone else invalidate my thoughts, or make me feel like I have to earn air time in an interaction I don’t really want to be part of, it’s easier to just shut up and go back to playing a game on my phone or even sometimes put my headphones in.

Oh, also – on that note. Are headphones not supposed to be an international sign for “I’m busy” or “don’t talk to me” or other polite ways to preemptively tell someone you want to be left alone?  I really thought (well until recently), that this was a well-known cue to leave someone alone.  I guess that some people don’t read cues well, or don’t bother because it doesn’t give them enough of a chance to talk at people.  That’s really what it is. We have all experienced this, and most of us tolerate it for the sake of civility.

I say – civility be damned.

Hear me out.  I am not saying you need to be rude to a coworker/acquaintance/friend.  Choosing not to be part of a conversation is your right as a human being, and extricating yourself before they start dousing you in their baggage of the day, week, month, whatever it might be, that is perfectly okay.  No need to do anything as extreme as setting yourself on fire, projectile vomiting, or faking a fainting spell.  When they stand in front of you, demanding attention while you’re listening to music or playing Candy Crush, glance up with glazed over eyes and go back to what you’re doing.  If they still demand attention, do it again.  If they’re stupid enough they still don’t get the hint, then perhaps it’s time to get colourful with your language, or get up and walk away.  Or you can just keep repeating the dead stare until they understand they should take their verbal diarrhea elsewhere.

I think there is no “appropriate” way to handle a narcissist.  I try to avoid being rude, but lately my last nerves have been getting tap-danced on a lot too much, by one specific person who thinks their opinion of everything is the be-all and end-all and always has a busload of grief to unload.  It isn’t like I have the option of completely avoiding interaction because they always seem to be there when I walk into a room, talking, talking, talking the ear off of whatever listener(s) there happen to be.

There was a time I could say that I suffered from bad self esteem on a level that meant I would allow people to do this kind of thing to me on a regular basis.  I never said no, or walked away from situations like this, because I was scared it would make me a pariah.  One day it occurred to me, who cares?  I have such a hard time connecting with people as it is, why am I trying to keep inroads to places I don’t want to be?  I’m finally comfortable being myself so why the hell should I, in any way, convolute that for some terrible conversation?

These days I choose to stand up for myself out in the big bad (and often stupid) world, because you know what?  Nobody else is fucking going to.

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